


France... Really Sucks

by ughdotcom



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Don't copy to another site, F/M, Guns, Immortality, M/M, Magic, Not Really Character Death, Other, Queerplatonic Relationships, Shapeshifting, non-sexual nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28063215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughdotcom/pseuds/ughdotcom
Summary: There's multiple reasons Rose hates France, but the major one is probably her queerplatonic partner getting turned into a falcon and then getting shot. She's really glad he's immortal sometimes.
Relationships: Queerplatonic Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler, Queerplatonic The Doctor/Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler, The Doctor/Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler
Comments: 8
Kudos: 9





	France... Really Sucks

In Rose’s defense, aliens shouldn’t be able to give people the power to cast magic spells. That wasn’t fair.

But somehow the Eries could, so somehow Rose ended up with the same powers as a witch in a child’s bedtime story. In Early Modern France. Yeah.

And they didn’t teach her how to use them either. She had no idea how to control them. So when she was talking with Jack, walking around the large palace they had somehow obtained the rights to be in, and he turned into a falcon, it was rather obvious that it was due to the fact that they had been talking about falcon hunting.

“Fucking hell.” Rose sighed, watching Jack freak out, screeching and flapping his wings and trying to fly. She crouched down the eye level with the screaming bird, which was hard to do in her over the top dress. “Calm  _ down _ , dumbass, I’ll make you human again.”

A maid stepped into the room and shrieked. “A bird! A bird! Inside!” she pointed at Jack, who started to freak out again, flying up into the air and squawking in a piercing voice.

The lord of the house ran into the room, rifle in hand. “Where?!” he shouted, looking around frantically, pointing the gun everywhere except for Jack.

“There!” the maid pointed at Jack, who didn’t understand how to flay and was flapping around in circles.

“Please don’t.” Rose sighed at the Lord of the house lifted up the gun. “ _ Please _ .”

The man aimed and fired, and Jack fell to the floor in a bundle of feathers. 

“That was my bird!” Rose said, trying to sound as haughty and prissy as possible to make them not pick Jack to cook and eat. She stalked over to him and gathered him up, storming out and breaking into a run the moment that she left the room.

She entered the TARDIS running, before setting Jack down on the seat.

“Is that dead falcon?” The Doctor asked, moving over next to them.

“Yeah.”

“Where’s Jack?”

“That’s Jack.” she said, nodding at the bird lying on the seat.

The bird shook a few times before turning back into a human.

“Is he-?” Rose asked, looking away from his body.

“Naked or breathing? It’s yes to both.”

Rose groaned. “Can you take him to the wardrobe and leave him there? It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

“Shut up.” The Doctor said, pointing at her before gathering Jack into his arms and carrying him to the wardrobe, Rose following along, eyes still averted.

“Why isn’t he awake?” she asked.

“Turning back into a human probably took too much energy.” The Doctor said, lying him down on the floor. “I’ll go find the Eries and ask them to make you back into a normal human.” The Doctor pressed a kiss to Jack’s forehead and one to Rose’s lips. “Watch over him.”

“Absolutely not!” Rose responded, seating down with her back to him. “Good thing he wasn’t wearing his usual coat.”

“Good thing.” The Doctor agreed, leaving the wardrobe.

After a few seconds Jack groaned awake. “Am I-” he said, looking down at his body.

“Yeah. Get dressed.” Rose said, not even bothering to look over her shoulder.

“What happened?” Jack asked, looking through the clothes.

“I turned you into a falcon and you got shot.”

“You turned me into a  _ falcon _ ?” Jack said, spinning around to face her, only half dressed in pants.

“Yeah. Don’t talk about it, I don’t want to do it again.”

“Yeah, neither do I.” He said, finishing buttoning up a shirt, then collapsing on the floor next to her, laying his head in her lap. She laughed, and kissed him softly.

The Doctor darted back into the room. “Good! You’re awake! Rose, drink this.” he tossed a vial at her, and she uncorked it and chugged it.

“Tastes like shitty alcohol.” she said.

“That’s because that’s the majority of it. Jack, how are we doing?” The Doctor sat down next to them.

“Pretty good for someone who got turned into a bird and shot.”

“Good.” The Doctor said, kissing him. “So, we’re all good, and we’re being approached by soldiers. So shall we go?”

“Yeah.” Rose said, standing up and pulling them both up. “Let’s.”

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a description someone gave me on a challenge of the weirdest ways Jack has died


End file.
